Families are the fabric from
which any society is constructed. It may well be said that a good
community—even a good society—is based on how good its families are.
Families make society function, they command the moral restrains common to
the community, they set the restraints of law and the punishment for
disobedience.
Our word “family” is a simple construct. It
comes from Middle English familie, which was derived from the Latin
familia household, servants of a household from famulus servant.
It has the connotation in our day of a husband, a wife, and possibly the
children produced by them.
God created the family (Gen. 2). It was not a
biological phenomenon, nor was it a social construct, nor did it just in
some way or the other evolve. It was a planned action, one involving
responsibility as well as pleasure. It was created with certain boundaries
and there are rules to govern it according to its original design (see
Eph. 5:21, 1 Cor. 11:3-5; etc.)
What constitutes a good family? Well, it’s really
rather simple. Good fathers. Good mothers. And good children. Together,
they make up a good family. But it’s not quite that simple when you get
to the application of those principles to the everyday business of
being a good family. Let me suggest a few things necessary for the
family to function as it ought.
Good fathers are more concerned with the
family’s spiritual progress than with their own progress at work.
Certainly, it is not wrong to want to make progress in your job. In fact,
the scriptures teach that “if one will not provide for his own, he hath
denied the faith and is worse than an infidel” (1 Tim. 5:8). But there
is more to that provision than just making money. A good father must
provide the spiritual motivation for his children, the spiritual
atmosphere for their private worship, the instruction they need to learn
how to conduct themselves in a manner acceptable to God. Do you help them
pray? Do you talk to them about the difference between good and evil? Do
you share with them the joy of being a Christian? Good fathers are
concerned fathers. Concerned about the right things.
Good mothers are more concerned with their
children being right than being popular. A
child’s self-esteem is very important. The recognition of his or her
talent and the proper development of it is a necessary part of helping a
child grow to maturity. “Bring up a child in the way he should go and
when he is old he will not depart from it,” Solomon said (Prov. 22:6). I
believe that’s saying that parents should seek carefully to determine
the natural bent of the child so that he can use what he has for the good
of all concerned--even his own self-esteem. But there’s more to rearing
children than giving them the proper amount of self confidence. They must
be shown how to lose, how that sometimes they have to suffer for having
taken a stand on some moral issue, how that they cannot always be right
and be popular at the same time. And they are best shown that when you,
Mom, are doing all the things you are recommending. Who determines the
course of your children’s way--is it their peers, or is it your
spiritual guidance as a good mother?
A good child is more concerned with pleasing God
than pleasing his peers. We make a huge
mistake when we think that peer influence starts in Jr. High and concludes
about the second year of college. It starts on the playground, and it
never ends! That’s a fact. Good children will see early on that their
parents are trying to do all they can to make life happy, safe, and
productive, and they will make sure they are doing whatever they can to
help. Good morals begin at home. They must be taught that discipline is
part of life and that parents are charged with “bringing them up in the
nurture and admonition of the Lord” (Eph. 6:4) and that they are to
honor them by doing what they say (Eph. 6:1). There is nothing on earth as
appealing as a good child, one who is trying his best to do right, one who
is respectful and kind, committed to his parents and his God. On the other
hand, few things are more repulsive than a rebellious child, no matter his
age. Children must be shown that Mom and Dad and their spiritual values
are the teachers in their lives, not what goes on around them at school or
what everybody else is doing.
Good fathers can say “no” even when it hurts.
You can’t be a good father and not say no
when it’s time to do so. There are times when you have to do it--even if
it means the kids get upset, even if it means tears. They have to learn
that “no” is part of life. They’ll never learn to say “no” if
they never hear you say it. And mean it.
Good mothers can say, “you better wait.” Restraint
is necessary for good morals. Restraint is necessary for good health.
Restraint is necessary for spiritual development. Mothers, teach your
daughters to keep themselves for the right man. Teach your sons the joy of
saving their love for the right time.
Good children can say, “you know best.” If
your Mom and Dad are good people--if they are followers of Christ, do you
think they would demand of you that which is not in your best interests?
And do you think they would keep you from doing something just because
they have the power to do so? You need to learn to put the best
construction on their motives, to understand that they are doing what they
do for you, so that you will be better.
Good homes? Just good Dads, good Moms, and good
Kids, that’s all.
