I’m not one to
flaunt the “good old days.” Our memories tend to tolerate only the
good stuff anyhow; and we don’t remember what was not good at all.
Modern technology, communication, and medical advancements have made
“the good old days” not so good by comparison. But the moral standards
of that day make the “good ole todays” not so good, either.
The reasons for our modern immoral morass
are complex and not easily understood. Just what happens is open for
speculation by those who know more about culture, environment, psychology,
and societal differentiations than do I. But one thing I know: the failure
of the family unit has contributed more to the moral depletion in this
country than any other single factor.
The family is the beginning place for
society. If the family fails, so does society.. And I fear for the failure
of the family unit. Now, don’t take that statement lightly. To whatever
extent the family is diluted, to that same extent society suffers. It’s
scary, folks—scary how the families of this day bear so little
resemblance to the pattern first instigated by God.
For instance, the most basic part of the
family unit is understood in two terms: headship and helpmeet. The Bible
teaches that the husband is the spiritual mentor of the family (Eph.
5:22-25; 1 Cor. 11:1-3). That fact is fundamental. Furthermore, it is
necessary to the proper function of the family. The wife is to submit to
and honor her husband (Eph. 5:22; 1 Tim. 2: 9-15), and provide for him
such help as will make his obligations easier. And children are to honor
and obey their parents (Eph. 6:1-2). In all three cases, the failure to
honor these commitments, all three of which were instituted by God, brings
about ill- defined roles, poorly defined obligations and, as a result, an
unsettled family.
Love is the mucilage, the glue if you
please, that holds the whole fabric of marriage together. Now, I know you
already know that. But I’m not talking about some sentimental
attachment, or some erotic linkage. I’m not talking about emotional
feelings, either. I’m talking about the kind of love that makes a hard
day—one where things go wrong—easier to bear. I’m talking about one
where a fuss disrupts the family, one where somebody in the family gets
out of line, and love—real love—is required to solve the problem (see
1 Cor. 13). I’m talking about headship and helpmeet in regard to such
matters, one where scripturally defined roles are used to solve the
problems. That’s real love—love for truth as well as love for one
another.
Communication is the lifeline of a good
family. It’s necessary that wives and husbands learn—yes, I said
learn—to talk to one another. Not only that, it’s necessary that wives
and husbands learn to listen to one another. That’s the root of all
communication—transmission and reception. When one or the other is
impeded, there is a problem. I’m not a good counselor, but I have done
enough of it through the years to know that a lack of sound communication
skills, coupled with too much pride—is the cause of nearly every marital
difficulty with which I have had to wrestle. And the simple fact is that
talking when it’s time to talk and listening when it’s time to listen
would solve nearly every marriage problem you can name.
And listen carefully. Families don’t
function well when God is left out. There’s a void in the various
relationships where God is not present. Please be clear about this: love
is not love when truth is left out of it. True love has truth as its base,
verity as its energy, and when those are not present, look out, because
things are about to unravel. It may not be a bombastic explosion, but
unravel they will. One day you’ll wake up and there’s no bond left in
the relationship, no cement to hold it together. Why? Somebody—perhaps
both somebodies, or perhaps even every somebody in the family—either
darted off, or gradually drifted away from the truth of God that should
characterize a good family. The father didn’t do his job, the mother
left the home, the kids got out of their place, and so it fragmented the
family and distorted everyone’s role in it. You can’t have a good
family that is not based on truth and righteousness. It won’t work.
Like I said, I don’t know all the answers
necessary to ward off our headlong plunge into moral decadence. But I can
read the Bible. I know what it says about families and how they are to
function. And all the psychologists, sociologists, and human behavioral
specialists, combined, are not going to solve the problems in our culture
today until they return to the original pattern, the one ordained and
commanded by the Creator—God Almighty.
Can you tell I’m serious about this?
